Just Wanted Your Love
by addie knows best
Summary: She hated the term ‘fling’, to throw with force or recklessness; and to have to endure that for a whole summer? What a beating. Now she needed to get over it, she needed to get over her summer, now she needed to get over him. Naley.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Note: So nobody liked the ending as a OneShot, &I kinda like the idea of making it into a story, so here it is(: The first two chapters are going to be centered around lyrics of two songs, but the rest are gonna be normal. What do you think ? Reviews would be deeply appreciated(:**

**Just Wanted Your Love  
**song by Alexz Johnson

_**You got time, if time is what you needed.**_

Whenever he needed something, she was always there to accomidate him.

He said he needed a break; she could respect that.

He said he needed time; she could give that to him.

He said he needed space; she could take a step back.

He said there was someone else; she fell apart.

So is it any wonder she made up some story so she wouldn't look completely pathetic? Is it wrong that she lied to protect her pride, her dignity, her heart? It was in the heat of the moment, she never meant it anyways, and it didn't look like he cared much. After all, what she said was the truth, "It was only a summer fling."

If only it was as simple as that.

**_You're not mine; I'd rather not believe you're fine  
rather think you're up all night._**

That summer was the best of her life, mainly because he was there to share it with her.

They exchanged stories, secrets, promises, and hearts; well at least she gave hers to him. Her pain now was unbearable, so much so she didn't even want it back; without a heart she would immune to the lies other boys would tell her, like the ones that seem to effortlessly fall from his mouth.

She couldn't believe in the end he'd choose someone else over her; after all they'd been through together. Why wasn't she good enough? Why couldn't she be the one he chose? She'd choose him. But that was always the case, she'd give him everything she had and he'd never acknowledge nor return the gesture.

**_You're all right, you knew me when you met me.  
Let's not fight; I'm just a little feisty._**

She thought she knew him, the real him, the one he never let anyone else see for fear of rejection or possibly a connection even. She always thought he was just a cynic; not wanting to believe there was good in others. She set out to make him a believer, a believer of faith, of hope, of trust, of love, and even of life. She thought she could of gotten through to him, past the rough exterior, past the bluster and bs he gives everyone else; past the crap and into his heart.

_**Maybe, maybe I'll loose my mind.  
I don't wanna let you go,  
I don't wanna let you go, BOY  
I just wanted your love,  
I just needed to feel your love,  
I just wanted your love.  
I don't wanna let you go.**_

As people swarmed the streets of Tree Hill, all preparing for the burning boat ceremony; a boy and a girl stood facing each other, both with amused smiles, both stood in silence, tuning out the bustle around them.

She stuck out her hand to the tall boy in front of her, "Haley."

He cocked an eyebrow, but returned the gesture, "Nathan."

As their grip released, Haley smiled up at him, "I know."

They began to weave through the crowd, Haley with an ease Nathan couldn't quite portray, instead he continued to trip. Nathan repeated his earlier mannerism and cocked his eyebrow once more, "How?" He asked.

Haley shrugged, "Tree Hill isn't that big, I don't know how much you've seen of it, but what you have seen, is basically it." Haley continued her quick pace, weaving in and out of the crowd before her. "When Karen said her nephew was coming, I asked for a brief description to, ya know, decide if I even wanted to meet you. She said you were tall, and since I know every other tall person in Tree Hill, you weren't all that hard to find." She seemed to talk so fast her first sentence had hardly registered by the time she was done.

Nathan looked on with an amused smirk, "So you obviously make Tree Hill out to be one hell of a time." Nathan stated sarcastically.

"Oh yeah," She scoffed, "Its party central."

They had finally made their way through the crowded streets and up to the steps of 'Karen's Café'.

Nathan turned to look at her, "So what do you guys do for fun?"

Haley's smirk turned into a devilish grin, "Here in Tree Hill, we make our own fun."

_**You got steam, wheels aren't turnin';  
its just me I'm crashing and burning out.  
**__**Shouldn't we be makin' out?**_

Haley rested her chin on Nathan's shoulder and closed her eyes, "Are we almost there?" She yawned into his ear.

Nathan chuckled, "Hales, how are you tired? You slept all day and now **I'm** carrying you, you don't even have to walk."

Haley nestled her face in his neck, "You try being Haley James," she mumbled, "it's a tiring job, making everyone love you is _not_ easy."

Nathan lightly shook his head and smiled at her behavior. There was something so relaxing about Haley, just the way she was, she was so comfortable with who she was and how she was. She was so serene and carefree and she had an amazing heart. Being around Haley just made him want to be better. She was just so… Haley.

Currently they were on their way to the movie theatre, something they had made a tradition to do every other night. It had only been two weeks into the summer, but Nathan didn't want it to end, he didn't want them to end. Their friendship alone was enough to make him stay in Tree Hill, but the connection they both shared was too significant to deny and yet they had. For two weeks they had shamelessly flirted and continuously hung out together, but neither dared to put themselves out there.

While passing the docks, a flash of lighting flickered above the river, so bright, even Haley looked up.

Absentmindedly Nathan changed his direction towards the docks, heading towards the river. "There wasn't any rain in the forecast this morning." Nathan stated.

Haley slid off his back, "Its heat lighting." She explained. Haley ran her hands through her long blonde hair. "I haven't seen any since I was like, nine. Come on."

Haley took Nathan's hand and pulled him to the end of the dock. She sat down and the edge, her feet dangling off. Nathan followed her actions; their hands still connected.

The night sky danced with lines of lights, each playing off one another. The stars shone brighter in the presence of their buoyant new friends.

Haley smiled, "You're going to remember this." She spoke softly.

Nathan looked over at her, "What do you mean?"

Haley shrugged, she turned her attention from the sky to his blue orbs, "You're going to remember this. Tree Hill, this moment," She gestured above her, her voice still soft and light, "me."

Nathan didn't know what overcame him, suddenly the risk didn't matter, nothing mattered, nothing but her. He slowly leaned over and pressed his lips against hers. It only took her a moment to respond, she snaked her arms around his neck. He ran his tongue on her lower lip and she immediately granted him access. The kiss was soft, and slow, and tender, much like a first love; careful not to move too fast, conveying hope and trust, supplying a calmness and yet an anxiety; perfect.

Haley smiled against his lips. Nathan slowly pulled away and cocked an eyebrow.

She simply shook her head and stated, "Told you," as she brought his lips back to hers.

The night was suddenly lit with streaks of light and bursts of passion dancing around the two lovers.

_**You got guts, guts is what I need now.  
I don't mind, I'm starting to believe it's over;  
tell her I loathe her.**_

Haley vigorously rubbed her face, trying to release those memories permanently ingrained in her mind. It wasn't fair, he got to move on, why couldn't she? What had she done so wrong in the past that the gods wanted her to carry around the burden of Nathan Scott everywhere she went? Wasn't there anyone she could pay off or something, anything to get him off her mind! She wanted peace, she wanted closure, she wanted her life back. She didn't care if he was with someone else, she didn't care if he didn't want her back, she needed him to look her in the eye and tell her why they couldn't be together; tell her what was so horrible about her, maybe then she could fix it and fix her heart in the process.

_**I don't wanna let you go away,  
I don't wanna let you go, BOY  
I just wanted your love,  
I just needed to feel your love,  
I just wanted your love.  
I don't wanna let you go.**_

It had long ago started raining on the two kids by the docks, something Nathan was trying to avoid, but Haley didn't care; she wanted answers, and he was doing everything in his power to avoid the subject.

"I don't get it!" Haley exclaimed, "You tell me how much I mean to you, how much this means to you," she gestured between the two of them, "but it doesn't mean enough for you to stay!"

"Just try to understand Haley, I can't be with you, not now." Nathan begged, his voice calm.

"Why the hell not?" Haley yelled, rain and tears impaired her vision; since when did she become the type of girl who cried because some guy didn't want her? She ran her hands through her hair and looked down at her shoes, trying to shield her puffy eyes and bleeding mascara from him, she didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing she cared.

"There's someone else." His voice was barely above a whisper; she could have sworn she didn't hear him right.

"What?" Her voice cracked. She looked up at him, he could see that her tears were mixing with the rain; it broke his heart.

"I'm sorry." He stepped to comfort her, but her hand stopped him.

She put on a fake smile and with a strained voice she clarified, "It was only a summer fling, right?"

_**Lettin' you go,  
Lettin' you go,  
Lettin' you go,  
Lettin' you go,  
Lettin' you go,  
BOY.**_

Haley closed her eyes and took a deep breath, 'You can do this' she coached herself, 'You need to move on.' She raised her hand to the oak door. She couldn't even believe she was here. Why was she here? She dropped her hand and ran it through her hair.

She had been pacing outside his door for at least twenty minutes, she was sure by now the neighbors had began to phone their friends and invite them over to watch Haley James make a fool of herself in front of Nathan Scott's house; either their friends or the police.

Haley sat down on the steps outside Nathan's front door. It had been at least five months since he left. Well, five months, 1 week, and three days. Was it pathetic that she knew that?

Haley lifted her head, it was, it was pathetic. Haley James was being pathetic. What the hell happened to her? She used to make fun of those types of girls, the ones who made a boy into their whole world. She wasn't even eighteen yet, she had her whole life to fall in love… again, she had enough time to get over Nathan Scott without giving him the satisfaction of even knowing she needed to get over him.

She could do this by herself; she didn't need Nathan's permission to get over him. Screw closure.

Haley got up from her spot on the steps with a new perspective, she didn't need him to live, she didn't need him to love, she didn't even need him to get over him.

While reveling in her newly acquired self-assurance, she didn't hear the front door open, nor did she hear it shut. What she did he however was that familiar voice calling out to her, "Haley?"

Well, there went her resolve.

She knew it was stupid, she knew it was immature, but there she stood closing her eyes and praying that he couldn't see her.

"Haley? Is that you?" The voice asked once more.

"Damn." Haley muttered. She then put on that same fake smile she wore so many months ago and turned around, face-to-face with her fears.

"Hey Nathan."

_**I don't wanna let you go away,  
I don't wanna let you go,  
just wanted your love;  
feel your love.  
Just wanted your love.  
I don't wanna let you go**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Note: So I know I deleted the story &reposted it, so all the previous reviews were deleted, but I need to know if you guys think I should continue this at all. So as always, reviews are appreciated and motivate me to keep writing. So if you want more updates, there you go(: Heres the second introductory chapter, lemme know you guys are still out there(: &the song is forever by papa roach(:**

* * *

**Just Wanted Your Love**

**_In my brightest hour  
Of my darkest day  
I realized what is wrong with me_**

It took me eighteen years to get this far, eighteen years to get to this exact place. Eighteen years to make my dad and everyone else finally realize I deserve this, I deserve to be here. Eighteen years of constant harassment and missing out on a normal life, eighteen years of blood, sweat, and tears. Eighteen years of working towards this one goal, and here I am.

_"Freshman Nathan Scott intercepts the ball and takes it down the court. Scott to Smith, Smith back to Scott; he's going for it. This is it, the Blue Devils could win it or lose it all right here."_

Eighteen years, eighteen long and painful years, eighteen years of practices, games, injuries, punishments, and pushing myself for this moment right here.

"_Scott shoots for three!"_

The whole arena was quiet, silently reciting prayer after prayer. But that didn't faze Nathan; neither did the cheering and applause that was soon heard after the '_swoosh_' of the ball through the net.

Nathan Scott had made the winning basket, his team was finally NCAA champions, he was finally where he knew he deserved to be; so why wasn't he happy?

_**Can't get over you  
Can't get through to you  
It's been a helter skelter romance from the start**_

It only took one summer for the goals of those eighteen years to fade away. One summer for eighteen years of hard work to seem meaningless. One girl to change his life forever.

That summer everything was up for grabs, she made him believe there was nothing he couldn't do, nothing they couldn't do. She was hope, she was faith, she was belief, and most imporantly, _she was his_.

He never planned on falling in love, in fact it was quite the opposite. He was sent to his aunt's to stay out of trouble, to keep his basketball carrer safe, to lay as low as possible, how much could happen in a one horse town called Tree Hill, anyway?

_**Take these memories that are haunting me  
Of a paper man cut into shreads  
By his own pair of scissors  
He'll never forgive her  
He'll never forgive her**_

He thought leaving Tree Hill would be easier; leaving her should have been easier. But lately thoughts of her clouded his mind; he couldn't go anywhere without being reminded of her, seeing her, missing her. He was a man possessed.

He remembered every part of her, every quirk, every mannerism, every thought, every touch. Little things haunted him, like how'd she never laugh at his jokes if they weren't funny, but kiss him on the lips and tell him to shut up. How she would walk in his and Lucas's room at odd times in the morning and either jump on his air mattress or lie next to him and fall asleep in his arms, depending on the mood she was in. How she smiled when he brought her flowers, how she smiled to get out of trouble, how she smiled when he left; the pain and confusion pulling at her lips, begging them to fall into a frown, the heartache and hurt sagging her eyes and circling underneath her lids. Her selflessness, his selfishness, everything from that summer was permanently ingrained in his mind. It took everything in him to tell her he had to go, and it was taking everything in him to stay away.

He went into the whole thing fully knowing it couldn't last, everything was against them. She deserved better, she deserved someone who could take care of her, someone who could be around, someone who could appreciate her, but he was already too deep in to even imagine letting her go. She gave him everything, she believed in him even when he couldn't believe in himself, she made him a better person, she made him grow up, and all he did was make her eat her words.

_**Because days come and go  
But my feelings for you are forever  
Becase days come and go  
But my feelings for you are forever**_

He took three steps into the house, and immediately took one back. His aunt's house was something out of a bad movie, it screamed small town.

"So wheres my room?" Nathan spoke timidly.

"Down the hall, second door on the left." Karen replied, while setting down groceries.

Nathan's grip around his dufflebag tightened as he walked towards the closed door. He heard voices inside, and laughter. He cautiously opened the door and looked inside.

There laying on the bed, with her head hanging off the side, was the same girl that came to meet him.

"Hiya Hotshot." She announced.

"Don't you have your own house?" He joked.

"Don't you?" She shot back with a smile. "Luke! Your cousins here, get your ass in here!" She yelled towards the open door that went outside.

Nathan's stomach dropped as Lucas stepped through the door; Nathan started putting the pieces together.

"Hey man." Lucas said, as the two did a 'manly-hug'.

"Men." Haley shook her head.

"Hey." Nathan replied, when they pulled away.

"So you can just put your stuff wherever, the air matress is over there," Lucas pointed beside his bed, "and the bathroom is down the hall, by the kitchen."

Nathan nodded, looking on at the two people in the room, 'were they dating?'

Haley took note of the awkward silence and spoke up, "So what are we doing today, best friend?"

"Whatever Nathan wants to do, I guess." Lucas responded looking towards Nathan.

Nathan's head was still spinning, "What do you guys usually do for fun?"

Haley rolled off the bed, and stood up, "I told ya, Hot Shot, we make our own fun."

**_Sitting by a fire on a lonely night  
Hanging over from another good time  
With another girl  
Little dirty girl  
You should listen to this story of a life_**

Haley opened the door to Lucas's room quietly, and took small steps to the end of his bed. She stood next to the air matteress and gaged her means of attack. She surveyed the length of the bed and the placement of the boy in it. She noted the absence of Lucas in the big bed, and smirked to herself. She took a deep breath and prepared herself for the next move.

Haley hopped on the air matteress and continued to bounce up and down, making sure not to step on Nathan. She continued her incessant jumping for a minute or so before momentarily pausing to survey the damage. Out of breath she bent over, expecting to see an enmorously awake Nathan, looking riled and annoyed. To her disappointment, his eyes were still closed and his breathing was steady.

Haley scrunched up her face, not pleased with the turnout of her plan. She slowly stood up and was about to start jumping again, when a large arm encircled her waist and brought her down next to Nathan.

"Don't you dare." He warned, his eyes still closed and his voice husky and horse from sleep.

Haley giggled as Nathan pulled her under the covers, "You're no fun."

Nathan pulled her body closer to his, and rested his chin ontop of her head, "I don't have to be fun at 7:00 in the morning."

"Says who?" Haley scoffed, "I mean I'm always fun, 24 freakin 7, and you never hear me complain. When people think, 'Hey, who will be fun any time, all the time?' You know the first name that comes to thier mind, don't you? Haley James. I mean, seriously, no one-"

Nathan silenced Haley's rambling with a soft kiss.

He pressed his lips against hers, and immediately she went silent. Her hand came up to cup his cheek, as his arm tightened around her waist.

As they broke apart, Nathan finally opened his eyes and Haley smiled and yawned, "See you can be fun at 7:00 in the morning too."

Nathan shook his head at his girlfriend, and captured her lips once again.

The lighting storm was only a couple of days ago, but Nathan felt like they had been together so much longer. She always knew what was on his mind, or how to handle his moods. She was the itioum of the perfect girlfriend. She never let him win a single argument, she knew how to manipulate him perfectly so she could get the majority of his fries, or popcorn, or candy, she knew how to smile just right to make him forget whatever was bothering him, even if it was her. He was already too far in to pull out, she held a power over him, an enchanment that no one could break, she was everything he could ever want, could ever need, and she didn't even know it.

As they wound down, as they normally did, Haley cuddled up to Nathan and rested her head on his chest. He kissed the top of her head as she sighed contently.

"Haley?" He asked softly.

"Mhm?"

Nathan's grip on her tightened a bit as he whispered, "Can I keep you?"

He was only answered by the soft breathing of Haley's sleeping form.

_**You're my heroine  
In this moment I'm lonely  
All these drugs all these women  
I'm never forgiven this broken heart of mine**_

Nathan couldn't get over the fact that he wanted her, craved her, needed her this desperately. This was the moment he had always dreamed about, the chance he always knew he deserved. But if all this fame, and fortune, and applause were what it was like when you hit the big time, he didn't want it. Any girl would fall at his feet, even if he was just a freshman, he had the opportunity most teenage boys can't even dream about, but it didn't matter.

All the money and all the recognition in the world wouldn't bring him what he really wanted. He would give it all up in a minute just to hold her in his arms again, just to be with her again. Nathan had a decision to make, and for the first time in his life, his first choice wouldn't be basketball.

_**Because days come and go  
But my feelings for you are forever  
Because days come and go  
But my feelings for you are forever**_

He had fought with himself all this time about this exact moment, trying to make it go away. He had gone over in his head countless times what he was going to say, he was going to ask her to come with him. Duke wasn't that far from Tree Hill, they could get an apartment on campus, or off-campus; it didn't matter to him, as long as they were together.

She could even continue her plan of going to NCU if she didn't want to go to Duke with him. Their schools were right next to each other, they could still be together.

He left his house with every intention of telling her how he felt, about her, about them, about everything. He had a plan, and it was a perfect solution. They'd never have to end their summer. They'd never have to end at all.

Nathan made his way to the docks, and smiled when Haley ran up to him. He picked her up and swung her around. When he finally put her down, he kissed her firmly on the lips.

They stood there for a while, each taking comfort in the others arms. Haley finally broke the silence with her soft voice.

"I have something to tell you." She smiled and gently pulled away.

He kissed her forehead, "I have something to tell you too, you go first."

"Well, you know how I got into Stanford, but didn't have the financial backing to actually go?"

Nathan nodded, somehow he didn't like where this was going.

"Well they offered me a scholarship, like a full-fledge scholarship. Books, food, living arrangements, tuition, everything."

"That great Hales." Nathan stated softly, pulling her in his arms. He closed his eyes, and savored the moment, the feeling of her in his arms again. He had a feeling he would never again get the chance; this changed everything.

Haley pulled away slightly, but didn't look him in the eye, "Yeah, it is." She spoke softly and gently, as if her volume was to increase she would break, "but I told them no."

Everything consumed Nathan at once, so many different emotions claimed him he felt like he couldn't breathe, "You did what?"

Haley still refused to look him in the eye, "I also got into Duke, and they offered me a scholarship as well. It's not as big, but it'll help me get by, I'll just have to work a bit more."

"Haley," Nathan said gently, "Stanford, its-its your dream."

Haley finally tilted her chin up and looked him in the eye, "No," she shook her head, "you're my dream."

Nathan closed his eyes and let her words surround him; that was all he ever needed to hear.

Haley looked at him, desperately searching for his response, "Say something, please." She begged gently.

Nathan sighed, and ran his hands through his hair, "You can't come with me to Duke, Haley."

**_One last kiss  
Before i go  
Dry your tears  
It is time to let you go  
One last kiss  
Before I go  
Dry your tears  
It is time to let you go_**

Was it stupid to let her go because he didn't want her to give up her dreams? Was it selfish that for a brief second, barely a glimpse of time, he was going to let her stay? It was different when it was just UNC, it was just a back up anyway, but Stanford? Stanford was the real deal, and he couldn't just let her give that up. He thought about it all the time, if he was to keep her, if he could make certain she wouldn't resent him for not going to her dream school, what would of he had done then? But uncertainty was not Nathan Scott's friend, and it was time for him to acknowledge that.

Nathan picked up his cell phone, and scrolled through his contacts. It wasn't like he hadn't already had the number memorized, he just needed time to reassure himself that he was actually going to do it.

He clicked the call button and held the phone to his ear, when he heard the voice on the other line; he took a deep breath, "Hey, its Nathan. We need to talk."

_**  
**__**Because days come and go  
But my feelings for you are forever  
Because days come and go  
But my feelings for you are forever**_

Nathan woke up that morning with butterflies in his stomach, he never had butterflies, never, unless she was around; but she hadn't been around for five months. He wanted to kill the damn butterflies; they reminded him of her, everything reminded him of her.

Every time he felt like he took a step forward in getting over her, something would arise and he'd have to take 17 steps back. Every time he wore his jersey number, every time he smelled gardenia, every time someone said 'hot shot', the memories would come roaring back and he'd be back to square one. He was starting to think fate didn't want him to get over her, fate wanted him to suffer, fate wanted him to regret every second he spent away from her, fate wanted him to feel pain, to feel heartache, to feel something for someone other than basketball.

Nathan walked to his front door, opening it slightly to see if there was any mail on his doorstep. But instead of mail, he saw a ghost. It must have been a ghost, right? There was no way Haley James would show up on his doorstep.

He couldn't move, couldn't talk, couldn't think. He only saw her; he only wanted to see her.

She stood up, and with every step she took he took one as well. He couldn't believe she was there; she had to be there.

He hardly recognized the voice that escaped from his lips and called out to her.

She paused. She was there.

She froze, _'maybe she wasn't there'_, Nathan thought.

"Haley, is that you?"

He saw her cringe, so he cringed. It was as though they were connected, once again.

She slowly turned around to face him, "Hey Nathan."

**_One last kiss  
Before I go  
Dry your tears  
It is time to let you go  
One last kiss  
Before I go  
Dry your tears  
It is time to let you go  
One last kiss_**


	3. Chapter 3

****

Note: So I'm gonna try a new way of writing, well not necessarily writing, but juxtaposition. If you guys hate it, lemme know; if you love it, by all means lemme know(: I don't quite know where I'm going with this story yet, but I like it(: So if you like it too, send me a hollerrr(: I'll be sure to write in something special for ya(;  
So, apparently I'm obsessed with using music in my writing lately, &the song used in this one is _Where I Stood_ by Missy Higgins(:  
Oh ! Also, I saw for some reason my first chapter was messed up, so I fixed it.. if that matters at all. hah, mkthanks(:

* * *

**Just Wanted Your Love**

Someone someplace for some reason once said, "You're too young to believe its all not going to be okay."

You're too young to lose hope, to lose faith, to lose belief not only in yourself but in humanity as well. You have time to repair the mistakes you've made, and erase the regrets you have. It's your life, and its time to start living it.

* * *

**FIVE YEARS LATER**

"So who wants to close the class with their vocal representation for the week?" Haley asked clapping her hands together and looking around the room. Young hopefuls threw their hands in the air, as others shied away from the thought of performing in front of a crowd. Haley gave a small encouraging smile, having been in the same situation less than five years before.

Haley made eye contact with a lanky brunette in the back, "Mia, how about you?"

Mia blushed, "I didn't raise my hand." She squeaked.

"Are you not prepared?"

"No, I'm prepared."

"So you will go then?" Haley questioned, she wasn't trying to interrogate the poor girl, Haley knew she just needed a push. Just like Haley's teacher pushed her five years ago.

Mia nodded meekly, stood up, and made her way to the front, maneuvering her way through her classmates who sat around her. When she made it to the front, she sat down at the piano bench and took a deep breath.

She looked up briefly, then immediately returned her gaze to the piano, "Um, I wrote this song, and as the assignment said to do, it expresses how I feel about life right now.. I guess."

Mia took a deep breath and played a few chords before closing her eyes and singing.

"_I don't know what I've done  
Or if I like what I've begun  
But something told me to run  
And honey you know me it's all or none"_

Before Mia even finished the first verse, Haley was captivated, the whole class was intrigued. Who knew this girl who had barely mutter a word all semester could sing, could have such a empowering voice; it totally contradicted her normal meek exterior.

"_There were sounds in my head  
Little voices whispering  
That I should go and this should end  
Oh and I found my self listening_

_Cause I don't know who I am, who I am without you  
All I know is that I should  
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you  
All I know is that I should  
Cause she will love you more then I could  
She who dares to stand where I stood_"

The passion permeating through Mia's voice was intoxicating. Haley was stuck in the past, this was her five years ago. Hell, this was her now. That song, it was so much like the one Haley first preformed for her teacher so many years ago.

"_See I thought love was black and white  
That it was wrong or it was right  
But you ain't leaving without a fight  
And I think I am just as torn inside  
Cause I don't know who I am, who I am without you  
All I know is that I should  
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you  
All I know is that I should  
Cause she will love you more then I could  
She who dares to stand where I stood_"

Haley tilted her head to the side, the combination of her past, with this song, with her voice; it was all so beautifully broken. It was all perfectly tragic.

"_And I wont be far from where you are if ever you should call  
You meant more to me then any one I've ever loved at all  
But you taught me how to trust myself  
And so I say to you, this is what I have to do.  
Cause I don't know who I am, who I am without you  
All I know is that I should  
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you  
All I know is that I should  
Cause she will love you more than I could  
She who dares to stand where I stood  
She who dares to stand where I stood._"

Mia played a few more chords before finishing. She kept her gaze low, and only looked up when the room didn't respond.

"Was it that bad?" She asked weakly.

"Are you kidding? It was amazing!" Harper, an extremely talkative student, piped up.

The class agreed by standing up and applauding. Mia looked to Haley for her approval. Haley gave a smile, and clapped along with the rest of the class.

As the students began to pack up, Haley announced her closing reminders, "Everybody be ready with your 'In the Mind, of the Heart' piece by next time, and be sure to get a copy of that book I told you about!" Haley smiled at her students as they departed.

Mia was the last one to pack up, as she usually was. Haley called her over to her desk, "Mia, may I see you for a second?"

"Yes, Ms. James?"

Haley smiled, "Your piece was- extraordinary to say the least."

Mia smiled shyly, "Um, thank you."

"You're welcome," Haley admonished, "but the assignment was to write how you feel. So you can forgive me if your music was a bit disconcerting."

Mia looked down, avoiding Haley's eyes.

"I mean, I don't expect any of you kids to be singing about sunshine and rainbows, but you were deep, a lot deeper than I anticipated this assignment to be." Haley tried to explain.

Mia looked up, ready to apologize, before Haley cut her off, "Its not a bad thing, not at all. I just-" Haley paused, looking for the right words, "you're just-you're too young to believe its not all going to be okay."

Mia nodded in understanding and offered a small smile.

Haley shook her head and nodded towards the door, "Now go enjoy your weekend."

Mia made her way to the door, but stopped in the frame.

"Ms. James?" Mia asked, turning around.

Haley looked up from her desk, "Yes?"

"You're too young to think its not all going to be okay, too."

* * *

Haley shimmed the lock, and opened the door to her downtown Manhattan condo. The off-campus night classes she taught didn't pay as well as her last job, and she knew she'd have to say her goodbyes to this place soon if she didn't find an additional source of steady income.

Haley sighed and threw her bags on the couch as she made her way into the connecting bathroom. She splashed some water on her face and threw her hair haphazardly up in a messy ponytail.

She walked out of the bathroom and back into the living room/bedroom where she pressed the blinking red button on her answering machine before walking into the adjoining kitchen.

"_Hey Hay, it's Tay_." Her sister's voice rang through the condo, "_Just wanted to let you know, we've found a sitter for Kelly and Cj. No worries, she's totally legit. So you're officially off the hook for tomorrow night. Call me little sis, let me know you're still alive. Love you Hay._"

Haley smiled as she took out the ice cream from the freezer, things had certainly changed in the past five years. Before, her sister and her were close, but there was always an underlying hostility. Haley never understood Taylor's means for leaving so soon, leaving the town they grew up with, the parents that gave them all their love, and especially for leaving her all alone. But five years ago Haley finally saw why Taylor left, she never saw a future in Tree Hill. And for the first time in her life, either did Haley.

After Haley moved to New York, to attend NYU, her and her sister grew a lot closer. Haley was the Maid of Honor in Taylor's wedding, and the godmother to both her beautiful niece and nephew.

Haley made a mental note to call her sister back and grabbed a spoon from the kitchen drawer as the next message played.

"_Hey Hales, its Luke. I just wanted to ask you about your plans. The job offer is still open, and Tree Hill High would be honored to have you back._" Lucas paused briefly, "_I know its hard Hales, I know why you're taking so long to decide, but Tree Hill is home for more than one reason. Come home Haley, we miss you, all of us. Just, think about it, okay? Call me._"

Haley set her ice cream down as she made herself comfortable on the couch next to the answering machine.

She knew Lucas had all the best intentions, but over the years her and her best friend had less interaction than either of them would have liked. Not necessarily because they wanted to, but because they had to. Haley didn't want to have him choose her or his cousin, it wasn't fair. She knew he and Nathan had grown closer in the years her and Lucas had grown apart, and she couldn't help but feel somewhat betrayed and jealous. Nathan got her heart, her home, and her best friend. He had ruined Tree Hill for her, she couldn't go back without the memories swarming her and ripping her apart. It wasn't like they had just broken up, it was as if they had divorced, and Nathan had won the custody battle and all the assets.

She knew she'd eventually have to go back to Tree Hill, there wasn't really any use in avoiding it anymore, there was no way to avoid it anymore. She needed a new job equipped with a steady income. She needed a house she could afford in a safe community she could connect with. She needed a stable environment, as well as the friends that came along with it. She needed Tree Hill, there was no way to get around that fact anymore.

Haley sighed, she was long putting off the decision. Going back to Tree Hill, meant going back to her past; and she wasn't quite sure if she was ready for that.

"_Haley J, its me._" Brooke Davis's raspy voice announced, "_I'm assuming we're still on for lunch tomorrow, I have to be at the show by 4:00 to set up, and the invitation is still up for grabs if you want to be in my show. It would be good for the girls to see someone who actually eats and still has a scrawny ass, no offense._ _Anyways, Luke told me about the offer! Congratulations HJ! It'd be good for you to get away, or actually get back, I guess.. I don't know. Whatever, I'll talk to you tomorrow, love you tutor girl._"

Haley laughed at her friend's ramblings as she picked up her ice cream and leaned back on the couch.

Brooke Davis had been Haley's saving grace. She attended Tree Hill High along with Haley and Lucas but they never really hung out until college. Haley was shocked to say the least when she opened the door to her dorm and saw the bubbly brunette who ruled her high school bouncing around the room. Much to Haley's surprise, they quickly became best friends and borderline inseparable. That was until Brooke moved back to Tree Hill to settle down and take a break from the craziness of New York, though her million-dollar company often brought her back.

The machine beeped twice, and a female voice came on "To check saved messages press 7.

Haley took a deep breath and pressed 7, and then proceeded to curl up and eat her ice cream.

A deep voice enveloped the apartment, Haley sat on the couch stoically, much like she always did when she replayed his message.

"_Hey, it's me, we need to talk. Or I need to talk, really. I need to apologize, for making you believe something that wasn't completely true. I just saw you giving up your dreams on my account and I just-I just couldn't have you resent me for that later on. So I'd rather have you hate me and have your dreams than hate me and have regrets. But Haley, there is no one else but you, you're the one for me. And when out paths cross again, after we've both done what we've thought was best, take my word, I'm never gonna let you go._"

"_I need to tell you how much I miss you, you're a hard person to forget Haley James," _he gave a light chuckle, that no matter how many times she replayed it, gave her goose bumps and sent shivers up her spine. "_Not a day goes by that I don't think about you. God, I miss you laugh._" He paused briefly, "_Haley James I'm a mess without you._" He gave another chuckle, but Haley always thought this one sounded somewhat sadder, almost heartbroken. "_I just need you to know, I love you, with all my heart. Always and forever Hales._"

The message ended, and for the first time in five years, after replaying the same message over and over, no tears fell from Haley's eyes. No thoughts of what he was doing, or whom he was doing it with plagued her mind. She would of liked to believe she was finally over him, but she knew that wasn't the case. She was just tired of believing it wasn't going to end okay, that being without him wasn't going to be okay. Because it was.

It was all going to be okay.

* * *

Someone someplace for some reason once said, "You're too young to believe its not all going to be okay."

Life pushes you around, life tells you you can't, over and over again. Life is heartache, life if pain, life is depression and suffering. But one day you'll find someone that makes you want to persevere and push ahead. Someone that makes you want to risk that pain and heartache and see the future, and that future is beautiful.

Most people fear they'll never find this person, the one who makes them feel right, feel like they mean something, like they are something. But one day you're going to realize, that person, who is supposed to make all your dreams come true, is you.

It's my life, and I'm going to live it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Note: Have I mentioned lately how much I love you all ? Cause I doo ! Your ramblings &reviews make my day ! I love them ! &of course you all(: Keep it up kiddies, pleaseee &thank you(: This is a longer chapter, basically to introduce you to the major players in Haley's life, and basically the start of the story, I think(:  
Also ! If you're reading SiAL, &are wondering why I'm not spending any time on that, I am. I just wanna perfect and polish what's going on because the reactions now will shape how I want to go with the rest of the story, and also the length. But don't you worry, I have something BIG coming up; &I'm pretty sure you wont like it): But then I have something else that I hope makes up for it. &I'm probably not making much sense, but you'll see; all in good time(:  
love you , addie j***

**____________________________________________________**

**Just Wanted Your Love**

There comes a time in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads. One decision could lead in two directions, and one direction could lead to many possibilities, or even none at all.

When we come upon this fork in the road, we use many means of deciding: pro and con lists, flipping a quarter, or even iny-miny-miney-mo.

Sometimes you get to choose your way, but may not know how. Sometimes you want to choose, but don't get the chance to. But most of the time, when you find yourself in this quandary, faith makes it inevitable and leads you down the path you must follow.

And usually, that path leads you home.

* * *

"Auntie Haley!" A little girl with a head full of blonde curls ran into Haley's open arms.

"Hey there, towhead!" Haley picked up her niece and twirled her around, "Where's your mama?"

"Kelly Leann Keller!" A voice yelled from two rooms over.

"Uh-oh, all three names." Haley looked to her niece, "You run, I'll distract her."

The little girl nodded, and ran up the stairs the moment her aunt set her down.

At the same time, a very determined and slightly pregnant Taylor stormed out of the kitchen and into the living room, where the front door was located.

"Hey Tay." Haley smiled.

"Where did she go?" Taylor demanded.

"Who?" Haley asked innocently.

"You know who."

"Now Taylor, you know what they say about assuming." Haley stated mockingly.

"Now is not the time for games, little sister." Taylor threatened, raising her pointer finger.

"A little life hangs in the balance here, Tay. I'm taking one for the team, and pleading the fifth." Haley raised her right hand, as if taking an oath.

Taylor's tense demeanor softened a little, and she scoffed. "Not saying anything isn't exactly 'taking one for the team', Hay."

Haley narrowed her eyes, "In Kelly's eyes it is."

Taylor let out a breath, allowing her bangs to fly up, "Fine."

Haley smiled victoriously and cupped her hands over her mouth, "Mama bear has been de-clawed. I repeat, Mama bear has been de-clawed."

Taylor turned back around and started walking back to the kitchen. She sighed and threw up her arms dramatically, "Why must you encourage her? And they say you're the mature one."

As the little girl flew down the stairs, Haley held out her palm for a high-five. Kelly giggled and slapped her aunt's hand.

Haley picked up her niece and followed Taylor into the kitchen, where a baby was sitting in a highchair with squished peas smudged all over his face.

Haley set down Kelly, and sat across from her nephew, "Technically, the eldest is supposed to be more mature. Statically speaking, of course."

"Well, you're getting on my nerves, statically and otherwise." Taylor snapped, as she attempted to clean her little boy's mouth.

Haley scowled, "I forgot how charming you are during pregnancy."

Taylor gave a humorless laugh, "Well this will be the last time I will ever be 'charming'."

"Why won't you be charming anymore? No more spark?" Haley fluttered her eyes at her sister, feigning innocence to her own prodding, mocking questions.

Taylor made her way to the sink, washing her hands, "I will slap you Haley J, don't you think for one second I won't."

"See! Think of everyone who will miss your charm!" Haley stated dramatically, picking up her now semi-clean nephew.

Taylor turned to her sister, "There will be no more charm after this," she pointed to her stomach, "comes out."

"Just to make sure, we're using 'charm' as metonymy for 'knocked up', right?" Haley asked, standing the baby on her lap.

"If you would like to be so crude-"

"Yes I would."

"That's what we're using it for."

"But how could you not want another one of these precious faces around?" Haley questioned as she turned the little boy around in her lap and held his face next to her own.

"Because this," Taylor started as she point to her stomach once again, "can't take another nine pounds of 'precious face'."

Haley turned the boy around so they were face to face, "Don't worry CJ, when your older and have thirteen other brothers and sisters, you can always stay with me."

Taylor scoffed and plopped down in the chair next to Haley, "I'm gonna hold you to that."

"You look tired, big sister." Haley stated, concern shining through her voice.

No matter how many times they fought or disagreed, Taylor could always rely on Haley to bring her to solid ground. She remembered the day she heard Haley was coming to New York, Taylor only planned on visiting; that's how she was. Settling down just wasn't in the cards for the second youngest James sister, or at least she thought it wasn't. But in the time she stayed with Haley, she found herself steady, almost stable. Her sister was never demanding or demeaning, only loving.

Taylor used to know for certain that the reason she couldn't stay in one place for too long was because that was just how she was meant to live. But Haley showed her a way to have her cake and eat it too. Taylor quickly learned she didn't always run because she had to, or even because she wanted to. She ran because she didn't see any other way, she ran because she was afraid.

Afraid of never being happy, never being satisfied, afraid of never meeting someone who could understand her. But her sister did, and her sister introduced her to someone who was just like her; scared and fleeting. So as the story goes, she fell in love.

She fell in love with her husband, no matter how obnoxious Chris Keller could be. She fell in love with New York, no matter how the business of it all annoyed her. She fell in love with settling down, with her children, with her home. Taylor James was in love, and she owed her whole life to her baby sister.

Taylor would do anything for Haley. She hadn't found out about Nathan until the second month she was in New York, and Haley went to see him. Haley played his message to Taylor, and introduced Taylor to her pain. Though they only dated for three months, Taylor knew you didn't see that kind of love everyday. And she knew it was going to hurt her sister to let it go. She just didn't know how much.

Taylor knew that even after all this time she wasn't over Nathan Scott, especially after her visit to see him. You don't get over something like that easily, maybe even ever.

"I am tired." Taylor closed her eyes and leaned her head back.

"But it's all worth it, right?" Haley asked, her eyes glued to her godson.

"Yeah, it's all worth it."

Haley gave a sad smile that Taylor could see, even through her closed eyes, "I thought so."

* * *

"Baby James!" Brooke shrieked, as she pushed her way through the crowed dressing room, backstage at the 'Clothes over Bros' runway show.

"B. Davis!" Haley shouted back.

"Move! Move. Move. MOVE!" Brooke demanded, as she made her way over to her best friend.

Haley laugh, _same old Brooke._

Once Brooke finally made it over to Haley, she threw her arms around her and squeezed, "Haley J, you have no idea how happy I am to see you!"

"Still not going to be in your show, Brookie." Haley laughed as she hugged her back.

Brooke pulled away and held Haley's shoulders at arms length, "I hate you."

Haley smiled and hugged her again, "I know."

Since day one at NYU, Brooke and Haley had established a mutual soft spot for each other. Haley couldn't get over how funny and outgoing Brooke was. She always believed because she was popular she would be bitchy. Though Haley soon found out that bitchy Brooke did in fact rear her ugly head in times that called for it, it was part of her charm.

Brooke didn't know how her and Haley had spent their high school years apart. According to her, they were 'kindred spirits'. Brooke never expected the shy bookworm, to be such a spitfire. The moment Haley first mouthed off to her, Brooke knew they would be the best of friends.

Looking at the petite blonde now, she couldn't help but miss her, especially since she was standing in front of her. Brooke squeezed her best friend once more, "Its been too long, Haley J; never again."

Haley squeezed back, "Never again."

Brooke pulled away and grabbed Haley's hand, "Come on, I'm starving."

As they walked past all the models, Brooke described the renovations going on in Tree Hill. They were completely redoing every aspect of the town, from repainting buildings to going as far as placing shops along the beach.

Haley felt her heart ache for home as Brooke admonished at how big Lily, Lucas's sister, was getting, and how well Karen and Keith were doing. It was hard not to long for the comfort and safety she always felt while in Tree Hill.

Brooke continued rambling all the way outside, and to the sub shop, and to the park, where they decided to sit and eat.

Brooke finished her long talk with a story about a boy named Q, who Lucas was trying desperately to humble.

"Luke just doesn't get it, this kid does not want to hear anything anyone has to say." Brooke sighed and took a bite of her sandwich.

Haley laughed, Brooke had a method of talking about Lucas. Whenever she felt she was talking about him too much, or too emotionally (whether it be anger or otherwise), she would occupy herself with something else.

Technically they weren't dating, but Haley thought there weren't any two people who deserved to be together more than them.

"So basically," Brooke said, wiping her mouth, "you should come home."

Haley nodded with a smile, "You know, I think I might."

Brooke dropped her hands, "Don't kid with me, Baby James."

Haley held up her hands in mock surrender, "No kidding here."

Brooke went on, "Liars go to hell. Now are you sure you want to stick with that statement?"

"That I'm 'thinking' of going back? Yes, yes I do."

"Good. Tree Hill is home Haley J, not even New York can change that." Brooke stated pointing her sandwich at her best friend.

Haley agreed, "I think I need a break from New York."

Brooke nodded, "Been there, done that."

"But-"

"I knew there was a but." Brooke sighed.

"_But_," Haley stressed, "I don't want to leave my classes. I mean just thinking about how much my teacher helped me when I was where they are; it doesn't seem right. I'm supposed to help them now."

Brooke softly nodded, "But what about that girl in Tree Hill, who is exactly where you were, but doesn't think she can get where you are now, or even where those kids are now? That girl who doesn't think she stands a chance, who's going to help her?"

Haley sighed and took a bite of her sandwich, "I hate when you get all smart and deep."

Brooke shrugged, "I have my moments."

"That you do, Brooke Davis. That you do."

* * *

Haley sighed as she tore a pink notice off of her door. She knew it wouldn't be long until her landlord would have to kick her out; she'd been given too much slack already.

Haley walked into her apartment and threw her bags full of free clothes, courtesy of Brooke Davis, onto the couch.

The time spent with Brooke had been the icing on the cake. All Brooke had to do was mention Tree Hill, and Haley's heart would yearn for more; that comfort, the stillness home always brought to her. Haley knew she couldn't avoid Tree Hill any longer and she didn't want to. She was set in her decision and was determined to see it through.

Haley picked up the phone, and dialed the long neglected, yet still familiar number.

* * *

On the first ring, Lucas raced to the phone, desperate to get the receiver before any one of his family members. He stopped in front of the small table holding the phone, and took a brief pause to calm his racing heart before picking it up.

"Hello?" Lucas asked slightly panting from his run to the phone.

The laugh at the other end of the line made him release a breath he hadn't realized he was holding, "You okay there, Luke?" The voice chuckled.

"Haley! You called!" Lucas divulged excitedly.

Haley laughed again, "What little faith you have in me, Lucas Scott. You told me to call, so I called."

"So have you made a decision yet?" Lucas asked, desperation seeping through his voice.

"Well gee, I'm fine Luke, thanks for asking, how are you?" Haley commented sarcastically.

Lucas ignored her tone, "I'll tell you once you tell me what you've decided."

He heard Haley inhale heavily and pause briefly before answering, "I'm coming home."

"Haley, that's great! It's about time! Tree Hill will be happy to have you back." Lucas stated enthusiastically.

As he and Haley discussed the details of her move, the doorbell rang, and incessant knocking rang through Lucas's home.

"Yeah, hold on Haley, some asshole is banging on the door." Lucas sighed aggravated.

Haley gave a light laugh, "That's okay, I have to start packing, so I'll call you later."

Lucas made his way to the front door, stepping over his little sister's toys, and his father's car magazines. "Alright, its good to have you back, Hales." Lucas declared seriously.

Haley sighed, "I'm not back yet, Luke."

Lucas stopped in front of the door, "But you will be soon."

The statement was emphasized as more of a question, "Yeah, I will be soon." Haley guaranteed.

Lucas's calm disposition was once again interrupted by the banging on the door, "I'll talk to you later, buddy."

Lucas hung up the phone, and swung the door open, "What!?" He asked fervently before seeing the chuckling man before him.

"Is that anyway to greet your favorite cousin?"

* * *

There comes a time in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads. And at this point we can choose to stress over the direction our life should take, or realize and accept that indefinitely, fate chooses for us.

More times than none, we rely on the pressures and strain of others to thrust us into the path of our destiny, without realizing that our choices aren't even up to us, much less the opinions of others.

Destiny chooses us; and usually, destiny takes us to the places and to the people we fear the most.


	5. Chapter 5

**i love all of you who review, you're the reason I'm posting this now ;  
i couldn't bare the thought of you hating me(:  
tell me what you think ? = inspire me to write(:**

**the song is 'Sirens' by Angels and Airwaves ,  
i own nothing ; not even this computer(:**

**love you, addie j***

**

* * *

**

**Just Wanted Your Love**

Sooner or later we all choose a path. Sometimes you never look back and sometimes life forces you to.

But if you look back, what will you see? The same things you saw then or something completely different? A whole other story or factor or reason you never before saw?

Will what you see give you strength or only cause you pain?

And what will you decide to do with this new insight?

Fight for what you now know?

Or perish for what you didn't know then?

* * *

Nathan hated Mondays.

He was pretty sure someone, somewhere down the line made them up just to stick it to him. Like someone woke up one day and said "Hmm, I wonder what I can do to make Nathan Scott's life miserable today?"

And the little fu… person came up with Mondays.

But as an antidote to the horridness of Mondays, Nathan could always look forward to practice.

As usual, Nathan was shooting baskets before seven in the morning, an hour before practice officially started. His headphones were placed securely in his ears as his ipod ran through his songs on shuffle. The music blared in his ears and raced through his veins.

Nathan used to be able to shoot around and think about whatever, deal with whatever, but now he ran from his thoughts, he couldn't be left alone with them for too long.

In practices and games Nathan was able to focus all of his attention on basketball, the intensity of being in the play and actually playing for a purpose, to beat the other team, made concentration easy. But for those other moments and pauses in chaos, Nathan turned his music up to the highest volume and attempted to stifle his thoughts.

Nathan had had the same list of songs on his ipod since he was fifteen. Sure, occasionally he would add a song here or there, but he never deleted anything. Over the years he had changed ipods, upgraded devices, and even broke or lost a few players, but the songs from his very first mp3 players stayed with him.

In a way, the songs represented his growth. He had songs from nearly every moment of his life, the good and the painful. The genres and styles had changed somewhat, much like he had over the years. The music was a part of him.

Nathan shot a basketball into the hoop, _nothing but net_.

The music from the current song faded out and a new, familiar song rang through his headphones and penetrated his eardrums.

Nathan felt his heartbeat speed up and his mind go blank. This was the problem with never deleting any songs, the ones from the past usually came back to haunt you.

_**There's a weakness in the window  
Place my footprints in the dark room  
There's lonely voices, like a scarecrow  
In the hallway, like a lost ghost  
In the bedroom I see a shadow  
From the moon with light from a candle  
On a bed frame, lies a girl  
Her reflection in the mirror**_

This was the song of his summer five years ago. The words fell from her lips in a melody that could have been produced by an angel. She had sung those words almost every day, at every opportunity.

She had once told him that this song would remind him of her, that she refused to be completely forgotten.

He had informed her that she was, no doubt, impossible to forget.

She had then replied by placing a kiss on his cheek and turning the song up, "Just in case then."

**_Ladada dadada dadada dadala dada  
I like your eyes wide  
Ladada dadada dadada dadala dada  
I've been knocking at your backdoor  
Ladada dadada dadada dadala dada  
Nervous like a knife fight  
Be careful what you ask for_**

At first the song and the memories made Nathan smile. Remembering Haley and that summer five years ago, their summer. The overwhelming happiness that once radiated through the two lovers made Nathan's heart swell. Their beginning was that of a fairytale, as magical and perfect as any love story ever told. He would have given anything and everything to be with her for forever, but fate had a different plan.

_**I do this from time to time  
Where I can never wake from a bad dream  
I do this from time to time  
When I can never say the things I mean  
I do this from time to time  
Where I like to watch you as you sleep  
I do this from time to time  
Where I like to think of you with me**_

He had given her his heart and soul, and she threw him away. All he ever wanted was for her to follow her dreams, and he was just dragging her down. Maybe the ultimatum he had given her when she came to him wasn't the best idea, but he wanted to be with her forever, and he was so sure she felt the same. So sure she wouldn't just walk away.

Lord knows he deserved it, deserved to be abandoned, but it still hurt. He could still feel it, still feel the pain she caused him, the pain he caused himself.

_**It's a dark night on the West Coast  
Then a soft breeze as the sun rose  
Then the phone rang like a gunshot  
Like a siren in the beach rock  
There's a message at the river  
A certain package here to deliver  
When the day breaks after nightfall  
I will be there, you know I will**_

Stupid words in this stupid song triggered memories so painful, Nathan's head throbbed. He wanted so desperately to change the song, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. The pain made him more determined to let go of Haley James and 'their summer.' More determined to fight for the only constant thing in his life.

Nathan picked up the orange ball and felt a sharp, overwhelming adrenaline rush. He drove the ball to the basket.

_**Ladada dadada dadada dadala dada  
I like your eyes wide  
Ladada dadada dadada dadala dada  
I've been knocking at your backdoor  
Ladada dadada dadada dadala dada  
Nervous like a knife fight  
Ladada dadada dadada dadala dada  
Be careful what you ask for**_

Shot after shot, perfection. He could never quite understand it, but he could never deny it either. Every shot was programmed for greatness, he couldn't resent that, as hard as he tried. Because when you got down to it, it was basketball that had torn them apart. It was their conflicting dreams and their horrid selflessness that made them split up.

Bust as much as he wanted to hate basketball, he couldn't. Basketball was a part of him and as much as he hated himself, he couldn't hate basketball.

And he hated that.

_**I do this from time to time  
Where I can never wake from a bad dream  
I do this from time to time  
When I can never say the things I mean  
I do this from time to time  
Where I like to watch you as you sleep  
I do this from time to time  
Where I like to think of you with me**_

Nathan continued to play against himself, the double meaning in those words taking full effect. As he battled against his invisible opponent, attempting to stop his ball from reaching the basket, he fought once again with himself, over that summer five years ago.

If he had been better, maybe they could've been better. Maybe the could've made it all the way, like he had always hoped.

But he just had to go and mess it up.

Nathan turned for a fade away, but pulled out at the last second. He hit the ground running, dribbling to the net. He went up with both hands, slamming the ball into the net and hanging by the rim of the basketball for mere moments before releasing his grip and dropping to the ground.

_**I can hear you breathe  
I'm feeling the shake  
And the ground of my heartbeat  
Can't let go  
Do you know  
I'm feeling the pain  
Of my first love  
I won't let it go  
Can't let go**_

As soon as Nathan landed, he immediately felt the pain spread from his toes to his finger tips to the ends of the hairs on his scalp. He collapsed into a ball onto the floor, the music still permeating from his headphones. At first Nathan didn't know if he had physically hurt himself or if the pain his heart was inflicting all these years finally caught up to with emotionally.

It wasn't until he attempted to get up did he realize the eye of his hurricane of pain was his knee, he couldn't stand. The pain was so overwhelming he couldn't even call for help.

_**I do this from time to time  
Where I can never wake from a bad dream  
I do this from time to time  
Where I can never say the things I mean  
I do this from time to time  
Where I like to watch you as you sleep  
I do this from time to time  
Where I want to taste you as I breathe**_

The pain from it all was too much. Not only had he lost her in the fight for his dream, but lying on this ground unable to move, or even speak, it was clear Nathan had lost his dream too. The orange ball rolled down the court, mocking him with its movement.

The last thing he saw and the last thing he heard, before he blacked out, only reminded him how much he truly lost.

_**I do this from time to time  
Where I can never wake from a bad dream  
I do this from time to time****  
Where I can never say the things I mean  
I do this from time to time  
Where I like to watch you as you sleep  
I do this from time to time  
Where I like to think of you with me**_

_**

* * *

  
**_

"I understand sir, it'll only be six months after I have the surgery today. Yes sir, the whole season." Nathan spoke formally to into his phone, obviously careful as to what to say to the man on the other line.

"The doctor says I have to do physical therapy and I know I could get someone to help me out there in-" Nathan paused momentarily, listening intently.

"Of course they'll miss me sir, but I'll be back here by next season." Nathan nodded absentmindedly, "Yes sir, I do believe it could be a good experience and opportunity to have the team meet and work with an NBA player, even if he is physically handicapped at the moment." Nathan joked.

"Yes sir, he'll be there to help me. Yes sir, I do believe I could help." Nathan listened to the man on the other line and smiled, "Yes, Yes sir. I can be there Monday. It would be an honor to help out and coach the team to victory."

Nathan nodded once more, "Yes, Principal Turner. I just hope my new players won't resent me for beating the Hornets in playoffs last year." He laughed.

"Yes sir, I am really excited, thank you for this opportunity. Yes, working along side my cousin will be something. I'll see you then, thank you. Goodbye."

* * *

Nathan hobbled onto the plane. His sunglasses covered his eyes. His 'LA Lakers' cap covered his head and shadowed most of his exposed face. His black brace was secured over his faded blue jeans and his blue polo hugged his muscular build.

He silently cursed his crutches as he attempted to situate himself in his seat in first class.

When the doctors had told him he had torn his ACL, Nathan nearly tore theirs. This was the kind of injury players never fully recovered from. Nathan had his whole career in front of him; he couldn't just give it all away. He had to make something of basketball; it was the only thing he had left. But since Coach had told him to sit the rest of the season out, as to not stress himself, he had to find some other way to be around basketball, and coaching the Tree Hill Ravens along side his cousin seemed like the perfect solution. He needed to come to terms with his past in Tree Hill someday anyway, why not now?

Nathan sat back in his seat and made himself comfortable for the eight hour flight. He looked out the window as the plane began it's journey into the air.

"Tree Hill, here I come."

* * *

It took about an hour for the taxi to reach Lucas's house and an additional fifteen minutes for the driver to unload Nathan's bags and place them on Lucas's front porch. Six months meant a lot of clothes.

Of course, Nathan probably should've asked Lucas if he could stay, but it was too late now. It was a hasty decision, very rash and made very quickly. Nathan was sure his cousin would understand. And if he didn't, he could always go to a motel until he got around to renting an apartment or even buying a house. After all, he was going to be here for six months.

Nathan rang the doorbell several times to no avail. _Was Lucas even home?_ Nathan had only talked to him last week and he hadn't mentioned moving ever, so that wasn't an option. _I knew I should've called first_.

Nathan began to bang on the door, determined to get some response, any response.

Finally, Nathan heard some stirring behind the wooden door, which opened to reveal Lucas's aggravated face, "What!?" Lucas shouted, before looking into the eyes of his cousin.

"Is that anyway to greet your favorite cousin?" Nathan joked, but Lucas's expression remained the same; unreadable.

_Well, this ought to be fun_.

* * *

Sooner or later we all choose a path. Sometimes you never look back and sometimes life forces you to.

Usually the things from our past come back to haunt us, in one form or another. But the sooner you deal with these ghosts, the sooner you can move on, the sooner you can find salvation.

The sooner you can get on with life.


End file.
